Creative Overload – Part 1

The last couple of weeks I have felt overwhelmed. You know, that sense of dread. Things aren’t bad in your life but for some reason you feel off. That feeling builds and builds until you are sat in your uni foyer cuddling your service dog that is no longer welcome with tears in your eyes and realising that your brain is emanating self-loathing which becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy of being overwhelmed.

Now, I am as you may have guessed, a creative type. Sometimes I think you really do have to have a tortured soul to be one even if your life is pretty good. I am eccentric to say the least. I have been all my life, however I think, as I am not rich, I might come across to you as borderline crazy. I would like to claim it’s the ADHD but between you and me I think that just enhances it.

I always have lots of ideas. Can I see those ideas through to fruition? Heck no! I am a failed singer, psychologist (Did one year), firefighter, civil servant (sadly my longest stint), biologist (6 months biology A Level) etc. I could go on. I spurt out ideas at a terrifying rate then start on them immediately and then because no planning has taken place, I panic. If that sounds like you too, you have my empathy, however I have no solution. If you ever find one, holla at ya girl!

One of the ideas I came up with was Bad Karaoke. I am so rubbish at actually making content. Here are just some of the worrying factors: Is it perfect? Will people laugh at me? Will I be able to take criticism? Am I too old? Am I too fat! The answer to those in order is No, yes, no, yes, yes!

I have only done one bad performance where I choked both literally and figuratively but it freaked me out so much I stopped singing almost 20 years ago. And I was good y’all! I was good! Now I am shaky at best. I‘ve done a few performances here and there. The idea of “Bad Karaoke was just to sing it as is” without polishing it up or practicing loads to try and build up my confidence and show that even someone who was once (Very briefly) considering life as a session singer needs to build up their confidence. I have lots of ticks and weird habits that would be exposed to the world.

I put a video on YouTube (link below) that I have told nearly no one about as a short tribute to Bill Withers when he died. It got over 4,000 views and I panicked that I would always have to get that. That’s great, you may think. My next video I was so nervous and I think it got 20 views so I threw in the towel. All or nothing I suppose. I like to think I will get round to it, but then I can’t even choose a song! I have been stuck with this for nearly 3 years but I decided January was the deadline for my Badeoke debut…It is now the 28th of February and I got’s nothing. It might not seem like a big deal but as I am hurtling towards 40 at an alarming speed it is one of the things I wanted to do.

Just got to find away to get past those mental hurdles and the overwhelming feeling of doom!

Now off on a tangent that leads to the introduction of this series of blog posts…

As far back as I can remember I have always had panic attacks. They got worse at the beginning of lockdown, so this woman (Me, it’s me) who was but now isn’t terrified of dogs went and impulsively bought a toy poodle called Moose to be her companion. I adore this little bundle of fierce comfort! I never thought I could love a pet this much. I now understand what all the fuss is about!

Moose is the best of doggos in my humble opinion (also a little git). More about that maybe in Part 2.

I have just come up with an idea… (Oh here she goes!)

If you got to the end of part one of this ramble, then send me a song idea and I will add it to a randomiser and sing whatever it comes up with. It might be bad or I might nail it (Coughs and laughs at her semi-optimising).

Links

Facebook Pages: https://www.facebook.com/accesstoallareas

https://www.facebook.com/TjBarts.co2020

YouTube: https://youtube.com/shorts/FVJhh856DUc?si=nJuKdO-jfw9KPvEH